HELLO PERSON, WELCOME TO

COMEDY RELIEF!!!

😃 Riddles, Jokes, AND Tongue Twisters 😃

🎭 cause why not 🎭

RIDDLES FIRST!!!

(Answers are at the end of the riddles)

Q1. The more there is, the less you see. What am I?

Q2. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?

Q3. How can you go eight days without sleep?

Q4. I have no life, but I can die, what am I?

Q5. I never ask questions, but always answered. What am I?

Q6. You can break me easily without even touching me or seeing me. What am I?

Q7. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?

Q8. I have a tongue but cannot taste. I have a soul but cannot feel. What am I?

Q9. I am simple for a few people. But hard for them to hear. I live inside of secrets. I bring people's worst fears. What am I?

Q10. Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What am I?

Q11. The more you take away from me, the bigger I shall get. What am I?

Q12. I'm not man's best friend, I'm their enemy, I can mark your end, yet you do not see me, I am very small, but very tough, if you have me, then you have it rough.

Q13. I have two arms, but fingers none. I have two feet but cannot run. I carry well, but I have found I carry best with my feet off the ground. What am I?

Q14. What devours all and can kill a king. Destroy a town and crush mountains down?

Q15. Who always enjoys poor health?

Q16. What sphinxes employ and players enjoy.

Q17. Talks like this, a green wise man does. Guess my clue, you will

Q18. They belong to me; they belong to you; They can make you feel happy or make you feel blue; They never end until the day you do.

Answers

Q1. Darkness

Q2. Fingerprints

Q3. Ya Sleep at Night

Q4. A Battery

Q5. A Door and Doorbell

Q6. Silence

Q7. The Letter M

Q8. A Shoe

Q9. The Truth

Q10. A Coffin

Q11. A Hole

Q12. A Virus

Q13. A Wheelbarrow

Q14. Time

Q15. A Doctor

Q16. Riddles

Q17. Yoda

Q18. Thoughts

JOKES!!!

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it.

Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket...YOU CAN HIDE BUT YOU CAN'T RUN!

6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down.

Want to hear a construction joke. No? That's ok, I'm still working on it.

I tried to catch fog the other day. Mist.

How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars!

(My sister made this joke) What's a Jamaican's favorite day of the week? MON-day.

I wouldn't buy velcro... Because it's such a rip-off.

How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he's coffin.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Broken Pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

Why were midieval times called the dark ages? Because of all the Knights!

Why did the gym close down? Because it just didn't work out.

Why did the cemetary put iron fences up? Because people were just dieing to get in.

Why didn't the skeleton want to go trick or treating? Because he had no body to go with.

Someone got hit in the head with a can of sprite. Don't worry, that person is ok, it was a soft drink.

Want to here a joke about paper? Nevermind it's terrible.

Did you hear about the resturant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

What do you get when a cow gets ran over? Beef patty.

What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta.

Whats the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has so many stories.

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call a Chinese Billionaire? Cha Ching.

What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin get in the car."

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? Because he couldn't see himself doing it.

What are caterpillars afraid of? Dogerpillars.

What kind of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? 14 Carrot Gold.

An apple a day can really keep the doctor away... But only if you aim it well.

I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America Grate again.

What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNNNNEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!

How much did it cost for the pirate to pierce his ears? A buck-an-ear.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Ruberto.

Some times I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. . . Thats just how I roll.

TONGUE TWISTERS!!!

Betty bought butter but the butter was bitter, so Betty bought better butter to make the bitter butter better.

How many snacks could a snack stacker stack, if a snack stacker snacked stacked snacks?

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze. That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.

If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

You have made it to the end, congratulations.